March 27

I know you are working something, but does it have to be so painful?  I know I have oft turned from your face and that this is all just a wake up call to come home to you.  I want to come home to you. but the devil is telling me that I am already lost, that I am worthless and unlovable and unforgivable.  I struggle to tune him out and rely on what I know to be true. I need your intervention in my life.  I need help in letting you take control of my life and carry me when I am weary.  Right now, I am beyond weary. My way isn't working and I don't know how to let you take the wheel from me.

the cycle of me

nothing like being smacked in the face that you are still a piece of crap.  I hope that you can work a miracle and help me become honest and genuine.  Help me to be humble.   I wish that I could simply be genuinely who I am.  How is it that I am unaware to who it is I am?  I also just want to love .  I know you have plans for me.  I know that through you anything is possible.  Please Lord let me be worthy of a change and a chance to be better.  Help me hate these things that hurt people so that I can put actions to my wants.

Feb1,2011

Dear Father,

Thank you for keeping my friends and family safe during this not so easy to deal with weather.  It is a beautiful site to see tho.  I am thankful that I have a home to keep me warm and a place to rest my head.
Thank you for allowing the experience of going back to school. Please just help me with making sure I get everything done that I need to get done to be a good student. Help me to learn all that I can and be an example to those that are watching me whether they are young or old.

January 18th

Father,
You have given me such a gift. Thank you for this gift of education. I am excited to do you will with this.  I am excited to enhance my brain and my knowledge and use it for your will. Thank you for the gift of the books that I need for this class and being the Ultimate Provider and caring enough about me to take care of me.

January 12th

Father you are ultimate!  I am so grateful for your infinite wisdom! You are the rock on which I stand.  Holy is your name and I give you praises.  You have heard my cry and answered my prayers. Thank you! A great weight has been lifted.
I am excited for the future and hope do well by you and your gifts of mercy.
 Thank you for taking care of me !

January 5th 2011

Father
Thank you for allowing me to ring in another year.  Thank you for allowing me to ring it in with the man I love and for us to make it home safely to be with our children.

I have a special thanks. I thank you on behalf of the man Ted Williams whom you rescued from the streets. For hearing his cries for rescue and delivering him from the slavery of alcohol and drugs. Thank you for allowing his mother to see him rebound.

I have been moved by what you have done for him.

Dec 30

Father
we are coming to a close to this current year.  I hope that we can close these feelings of loss and anger and frustration also.   It's kind of overwhelming to have to deal with.  I simply struggle with letting it all go.

While on the topic of struggling.  Please look after mama.  She isn't doing well health wise and she seems so sad and depressed lately. I know that it may get worse because the boys have left home.  You know what she is going through with her in-laws that live with her.  Just be there for her and give her a friend she can lean on and trust that will help her through these rough times.

As for her in-laws. Thank you for helping get rid of the anger I have held onto for so long.  I just ask that you bless them and teach them kindness and help them be good to my mama.

Help me to find the place that you have for me.  To be a good wife and mother and to concider them above myself .  In the coming year help me to leave old self ghosts behind so that I may be fruitful and grow.